You can hold the pain at bay, but at some point you have to let yourself feel it or it sneaks up on you.
This is my 30,000th post. I’ve had my blog for a little more than 3 years now?
I’m in a horrible place mentally right now. My personality seems to be confused. I can’t tell if I want to crawl in my bed and die for days or keep myself busy and ignore everything. I’m unhappy and about to fall down a spiral.
Basically I’m screwed, and going nowhere good.
I figured out I actually can’t talk to any of my friends or even my boyfriend about my problems for reasons varying with the problem and the chosen ear, so I’ve made a private blog to pour everything into, an-internal-struggle.tumblr.com and yeah, it’s password protected.
-still working at fud’s
-one week left of school
-dating dallas for the last year and a half
-still fat
alright bye.~
It isn’t. That’s why it’s called suicide - you do it to yourself. Unless they held a gun to you and made you kill yourself (no) then it isn’t their fault. I don’t care what they did or what they said. It could be the worst shit in the world but it’s still the person’s choice to take their own life.
People are assholes. It happens. People kill themselves because they can’t handle it. I’m not saying it’s good or okay to be an asshole or whatever, but you can’t blame the asshole for the person killing themselves. Even if the asshole told them to.
Goddamnit.
tagged as personal. opinion. unpopular opinion. suicide.
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Without VS. With eyeliner/mascara
When it’s them, they expect someone to listen and care and give advice and maybe even feel sorry for them, but people fall short when it’s me who needs to unload something onto a friend…
I mean they act like they care and they pretend to listen and nod and say they know how you feel but they don’t and they don’t care to. They can’t relate and they’re bored with what I have to say and don’t take my problems seriously.
I try to just keep it inside because I know no one cares or wants to hear it, and I don’t want to look like I’m craving attention or some shit, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to about the dark, scary thoughts beating against my temples.
I ordered these today and I’m going to wear them together to make a statement that contrary to popular belief that I’m an atheist, I find truth in all religions and see them all as building blocks to my own beliefs.
So I’ll keep staying silent through the jokes.~~
tagged as personal. fat. token fat friend.
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The only thing I’m content with in life is my love life. My relationship is pretty perfect, but at the same time I feel unworthy and that my boyfriend could easily find someone better if he wanted. I love my friends but I’m constantly wishing I had more…I have a lot, but more I can actually talk to. I’m still fat but I can tell that no amount of weight lost will ever truly be enough. Until I have straight A’s I’ll never be satisfied with my grades even though I know they’re relatively good. My hair my face my personality my skills my entire life revolves around the constant feeling of discontent. Certain things make me happy but I am not a happy person.
